dwell on the past? or embrace the future...

i'm greedy once i do one i go back for the other

- Time is a variable :)


















~is it possible to have so much fun as to enable one to travel back in time...

smothered.

i wish i could fly, reach the clouds. every time something becomes overwhelming i'd just fly up at night. the peace would be refreshing. just staring at the moon. i long for a deep breath, the tickling sensation felt as the cool crisp air hits the bottom of my lungs.
floating in space.


Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

- e d i

paying my orange dues?

i'm not religious, i've never said grace (apart from..school camp :P) but everyday i eat at least one orange and a few months ago i started thinking about the life of an orange and i've become thankful for food i consume. i acknowledge the production process as i eat and think about the copious time and energy put into bringing the food to the state that it is on my plate. for the purpose of this post i'm going to use an orange as the subject:

i give thought to the seed, the tree, the nurturing of the tree and all the seasons that the farmer loves the tree for. the initial formation of a baby green orange on the tree, and the delight it brings the farmer for he knows he'll have a 'fruitful' harvest. then the weeks it takes for an orange to ripen on the tree and eventually drop, or be picked by a person who's soul purpose in life is to pluck oranges off trees. it then is carried to a cold, lifeless warehouse or packing facility where it's labeled ans deported to a retailer or a point of sales. mum then goes on her weekly food gathering endeavor and trades hard earned coins and noted representing wealth for numerous orangeS, which are then brought home to where they'll meet their maker, moi. ORANGE GUILLOTINE! the days, weeks, months put into preping the orange for my consumption precess which only lasts...1-2 minutes tops seems imbalanced, such is the world. which leads me to consider the destructive nature of humans, buttttt i'll save that for another post (maybe).

i appreciate the taste of oranges greater than before :) ... it's sort of blissful.

when i see natural disasters on the news wiping out towns and villages, as well as grieving for the people i also think about their belongings and the food in their homes that's being lost, i once again think about the produces and the value of the food.
when a farmer see a civilian devour an orange do they feel a sense of accomplishment? achievement? or resentment for the person?

i thought about writing a creative narrative about the journey of an orange, but... iono?... CEEEEEEEBS :) ...it's number 457684534168351464868 on my list of things to do after year 12.
..............................................................

i find it funny how the a specific duration of time can be experienced differently. when people have fun they say time flies, when the experience during the time is not so desirable it's a DRAINERRRR. i wonder if a mathematical conversion can be formulated... for example say a person is given 5 minutes: if it's enjoyable it'll feel like hmm...say 1 minute, if it's hell it'll seem like maybe 10 minutes (wow this person's perception of time fails :P) therefore a ratio can be concluded 1 minute of fun to every 10 mintutes of crap. my random figures aside, is it true that the lows of life heavily outweigh the highs? or are they equal? is it better to live a stable life or one with crazy emotions full of both turmoil and serentity.


song on repeat: DBSK - Doushite Kimi Wo Suki Ni Natte Shimattandarou (why did i fall in love with you)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKy6H2snEqQ

~~~ this post has taken me the most time to write out of all my few blog posts, i dunno what happend..words didn't flow, it feels forced and awkward. my english is =\ ...i listend to the song 8 times whilst typing this up...
p.s adults are hypocrites :) they tell us not to play with out food when the fact is that somebody, i dunno who got paid to make that! -.- WHAT IS THIS?!

- e d i

remember the future [mega rant]

i'd like to take this opportunity to invite you to remember what u thought you're life would be like now 6 years, 3 years, or even one year ago and how do you measure up?

Last year around this time my blood was turning green with jealousy, i so deeply envied the students battling through their final weeks of school. i did not consider the fact that they had to face the definitive final exams, i just saw their rugby tops, heard them leaving school before 3.25pm, and began to feel their presence dissipating. I felt so happy for them and so encouraged to get through one more year, however being in that 'position' i must say the sensation i thought it would be is seriously lacking!

to be honest my mind is currently plagued with possibilities for the future, recently i've been waking up in the mornings thinking "3 months from now what is everything gonna be like?"
... are all my skies going to be blue, are all the trees going to be leafy and green, are all the birds going to be singing? or
... will i be stalked by cumulonimbus clouds, will the weight of civilian glances feel like 5 tonnes of shame, will my white room walls become grey and reek with disdain.
WHAT THE HELL WILL THE 3 MONTHS FOLLOWING EXAMS FEEL LIKE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
There will be minimal stress, late nights, no work, no pressure, no early mornings(i hope), no purpose, no ...wait what? ...NO PURPOSE!?
i find that thought unsettling. the fact is 13/17 years of my current life have been spent attending education institutions on a daily basis, inevitably my life has become shaped around this ideal of school without it i don't know what i'd do...all i can do is hope try/struggle and hope for the best.
this reminds me of advice such as:'study harder' or 'try harder' or 'it all comes down to YOU' ...all of which is as helpful the sound of a toilet flush. I seek help for benefit, to be externally aided in some way or another. Those 'words of wisdom' remind me of when i ask my someone for their opinion on a subject and they reply 'up to you...' WTF?! am i not worthy of your mighty opinion? ...or are you just so lazy that you ceebs thinking of one? -.- either way GRRRRR.
~Please excuse the digression, my focus lapsed :(~
as i toy with the unlimited potential of the unknown i fear i may meander into dangerous territory. expectations might be set which if unmet could be a crippling blow to my consciousness. i AM deterred but i cannot help it. and then i go on to think if we all die in the end whether it be 50 or 100 years from now then what is the point? i've received the gift of life, but if it proves more nuisance then an enjoyment then why? should we be grateful for a gift that fails? for example if someone receives a..hmmm a broken limb for their birthday should they be grateful? ...after all 'it is the thought that counts!' someone made the effort to deliver...

i'm currently trying to remember all the possibilities for my life in 3 months time, and when that time comes i shall compare and blog about that... just for fun no?

blah~blah~blah

- e d i

Slowing Up

despite my low/poor contributiong to this blog, i've actually attempted numerous posts, they just don't get published. either because i lack the drive to complete the posts(i really hope this is not a reflectiong of my personality) or that i do not feel the posts should be directly linked to me for reasongs which i posses but yet to justify, after all we are all people living on the same planet with relatively similar expectations of society(unless you are a nobel of some sort.. in that case i'm honoured you've somehow managed to stumble upon my blog). i feel compelled to blog after every blog i read, i'm surrrounded by such literate people and am affected by their words.

Term 3, 'the final quater' before exams. We're expected to focus and if haven't been already, whole heartedly apply ourselves to our studies. This topic evoked a series of humerous but alarming discussiongs which i've had the privilege of participating in. I really must thank my Phys Ed. class for allowing insight into a non-asian influenced environment. it's kind of sad really, most if not all of my close acquaintances are of asian descent, thus i'm deprived of the 'true Aussie’ culture. In class we were discussing the relationg between year 12 and a seasong of AFL, and as my teacher began wording his skewed perceptiong of how students should heed such wise advice one of the students asked “Do you think some of us should start tanking?” ...this allowed everyone, even the teacher a good laugh, and I was sitting there smiling and chuckling as though I understood the joke when in reality it made as much sense to me as http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l12Csc_lW0Q . Apparently a team starts tanking if they know that making the finals is impossible so as a result they play matches ‘half-assed’ and lose intentionally. - “funny ones! I’d pay that”

Recently i haven't been listing to any up beat songs. Slow RnB and acoustic 'alternative' songs dominate my playlists, and i attempt to comprehend the lyrics. This i believe to be reflecting my current attitude toward life, i wish i could slow down each day or just relive every yesterday i spend on earth. I currently have 'Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love' by Coldplay playing which is probably the fastest song i've payed attentiong to in the past month or so. It's putting me in the mood that makes me questiong why do people smile for photos? Is it because the time is meant to be pleseant? But what if the event was actually not as joyus as portrayed, memories of the event will be brought back by the photograph and will be predominantly unpleasing. What would happen if our facial expressiongs captured truely reflected our expriences? Photographs are taken for later use to prompt memories, if possible i would like to take a photo everytime i honestly laugh, and i think when i mature, hit a midlife crisis or eventually age and being to suffer from amnesia, i would like to reflect, use the photos as a filter which only remind me of the good times.

- an innocent smile will go the furthest.

Goal: if at all smile honestly, with the execptiong of making others smile :)

- e d i

way past due (2)

as boredom takes over at 4.04am i begin thinking to myself...what is ther to do? ...BESIDES sleep. Contemplating such thoughts somehow, directly or indirectly lead me to have an epiphany, i being thinking deep thoughts, or well...i consider them to be deep.
Why do we sleep? What is the purpose of 'rejuvenating'? Why are me made to require such an inactive state? Why cant the sun be our only energy source? What is the purpose of LIFE, wen wer born and die...the time in between birth and death is supposedly a journey but what is the point. Ultimately it is all in vein, it is evident that the destructive impacts on the earth out weigh the constructive, and if the destructive impacts did not exist then the constructive would not either. Why is nature so ...left-justified? ...why is it easier to destry then to create?
Without coexistance ther cannot be existance in as they thrive oon each other, however a single existance must have occurd prior to coexistance. Take MJ for example... he is AWESOME, but lyk most if not all performers say "We're nothing without you guysh..the fans" ...must be the MOST UNDERRATED STATEMENT ever! how cane someone be famous if no one knew about them. im bored again..this was fun...ive now..made myself mildly depressed....heres some pictures as i promised in the alst blog. :)
This pic is from a couple years back..i came home one day and i found this in the garage. A spider jus chillin' ...wayy tooo cool to kill. i took it to the back yard and placed it on the neighbours side of the fence :) ....hopefullu cause i didnt harm it...it wont harm me.
Good ol' maplestory. I played for ages -.- till i got hacked lyk a noob. a couple days ago my tutor brought up this game and FULL ON dissed it. Mang i was cut...but i loled cause its actually a pretty sad game.. but it was daym fun wen i played!
That sky is beautiful. Taken from the aeroplane trip on the way to Hong Kong last december (2008). I think the clouds sorta looks like ice. pic gives me the greatest sense of serenity <3

Way Past Due.

OOOOKAY...eh hem... wher to begin?
ima type lyk this for the blog, simply cause i ceebs with the formality that i frelt was necessary in my previous blogs... hmmm weird.


November last year looks lyk i blogged bout olympix and w/e since then nothing much has happend except for...FREAKING VCE! ...oh and some other stuff to ill write about aswell :)


OH! i went to HK last year in December. Dad's obsessed with the place, he loves it, can't get enough of it, can't get over it. It was fun...except i got bored after the first 3-4 days. The trip last for 12 days in total and i got bored a quater of the way thru. GG! Luckily Jong Ree lent me his ipod for the trip which was my salvationg. I copied my music on to it but i ended listing to all his Hillsong tracks. Dammit Jong ...that bastard sucked me in! Now im a regular listener to Hillsong songs, i find them somewhat comforting. i missed out on getting my accouting study score cause i was in damn HK on december 15th. yes i rember the date -.- the whole day i was just sighing and listing to hillsong... LOL. I applied to recieve the txt msg for my study score but since i was not in Aus and i didnt enable roaming on my fone it didnt recieve the txt. SO THE FREAKING VCAA SCAMMED ME OF $1.50 ...what cheap arses, inorder to rectify such a blunder i feel the only way for them to repent would be for them to gaurentee me a NOT 'below 30' enter score. anyways back to HK, i swam in the 'open water' for the first time whilst i was ther! In deep water bay. Ther was a shark net in place which meant that sharks are present... so i refused to swim..somehow my dad got me in the water(he love swimming so much so that i hate it <<<<3> 'not bad' > 'pretty good' I guess it got progressively better. leading upto the after party. it was cool to spend a night with friends outside of the house...thanks peeps :)


Mid year exams! Chem and Physics...i got f-ed in the a. ...struggle...


NOW holidays! :D yay! ive been in holiday mode since the end of the week of the midyr exams. Which consequently has left me with some catching up to do, meh! its holidays! My PED teacher said its well deserved and he was daym right! i wantd this hols to be good, but sofar it has had probs the gayest beginning. I mean i had 8 hrs of tutiong in the first 3 days -.- WTF! i missed out on transformers 2 with friends :( ...im cut, they ditched me! grrr! i still wanna watch! Movie night was pretty fun at justings. Altho we only watched one movie. We started watching some 'comdey' film called Lower Learning.... no comment. Mirrors on the other hand was fun!i ejoyed it. i wouldnt have watched it on my own, btw Adhi...ur weak! as Winnie said 'grow some balls mate!' I didnt find it totally scarry. At the end wen u actually see the antagonist, i thought that bit was freaky... but for most of the film wen the mirrors wer 'bad' it was not too scarry. IM FREAKING COLD AND ITS 4.46 AM! ...anyways...i want movie night again..with more horror film xD i think im more freaked out by monsters and devils that by gore...too much video games.


Ok ima sign off here and go to sleep....this blog is extremely dry...ill do more later this hols and include pictures for pure viewing pleasure ;D yum.....blah blah! its cold...ima not tired but i need to go sleep....and mum mite wake up soon :C ...LOL 'Edi-out!'

ima b bwoggin'

Hi peeps!
Just chillin' toally in a mega CBF mood atm. Now that 3/4s have finished its LIKE end of school, excepts its not! 1/2 exams dawning real quick. Since the last blog nothing much has happened, just a couple of minor events:
Awesome Chinese Olympics, well the first hour or so was awsome...the enirety of the cermoney i thought was actually a bit over whelming. It went for too long. Modern "hip" society thrives on hype and up-beat elemtens and the Chinese did not fail to deliver, the drums were epic. However, how damn long can people put up with flashy lights. i really feel for the people who forked-out hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars to buy tickets, although prior to the actual night i would have like to get my hands on some. I also believe that the competition was rigged, or the chinese athletes were talking super-top-secret mega performance enhancing ginseng, as the medal tally was absolutely ridiculous! Especially that gymnastics team. When the coach was being questions about the ages of the gymnasts his reply was something along the lines of: "Yesh, yesh they got o'd enough! nes qweshon!"...hmmm, dismissive. Mes Ami! I present....
-Les Enfants! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



Next topic to rant(discuss) about in this long-time coming? blog would be basketball(club) i guess. I decided to cease shootin' hoops at the start of the year as i thought i could get a job, but nup! Job hunting is the worest possible quest one can embark on as not only is it energy draning, it is demoralising when failiure becomes apparent! Anyways back to bball. During the 1st or 2nd game back, some shit-face decided to molest my pinky with his foot so its currently dislocated. Need to get it treated but....CBF, if its not painful i dont worry. My new team consists of 7 players: ME, 3other fobbies who are decent, a ...guy (doesn't have an approachable personality, went to talk to him once...FREAKING DRY-ICE COLD SHOULDERED ME!) and 2 tards who serverely lack communication skills and co-ordination (one of then always looks at me down the bridge of his nose...and cannot bounce a ball to save his life.) Anyways the team is top-notch yeah! we havent won a game(5) yet, came close ONCE but...DENIED!
THAS ME >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Last but not least, school and holidays! YAY! nothing really to talk about here....OH! today in 1st period we had a sub, who happened to be the careers councilor. She talked about life beyond VCE and gave us a survey...more like a profiling sheet for us to fill out. The last section consisted of a range of field of study in University and professions, and we had to number any four (1-4). It made me realise that i havent actually thought about it very much. I pretty much had my mind set on becoming an engineer since grade 4 or 5. But work expirence at the end of last year made me realise how civil enigeering is so dull and bleak...just sit in an office cubicle and calculate to forces acting upon a bring...ooo how riveting(sarcasm*)! Life was so simple in primary school, the simplicity of stuff in general was so easy and fun! engineering was...engingeering, just knowing how thing work...now engineering has branches?!?! who would have thought!


Whenever i right a blog i refect or reminisce on what was and could have been. Maybe thats just me but it i realise all the time i have wasted, how motivation plays such a major role in defining people as human beings...hmmm deep. Anyways!..."in other news" dad got an Asus Eee PC. Keys are miniscule, a stylus is requires to press them, ifeel like homer when he grows fat and is forced to work from home, and when theres and emergency, he dials some numbers on the phone and the reciever says..."The finger you have used to press the key are too fat!"....thats me!!

Omg! the Cbox was uber hard to setup...im noob, spent like...40mins or so trying to input the script!...
Last line, ill leave you with this: When we people say we are here for a purpose does it mean, we all serve one purpose or we each have a purpose?...hmmm...something for the diseased contemplation garden in cgs =P....actually idont care!
-Edi out