Thursday, February 16, 2012

We’re not who we think we are...

This isn’t going to be a post about conspiracy theories although they are also pree interesting, i am going to address an issue that directly affects most if not everyone. Whilst attempting to write this ive realised that iterating my thoughts for the purpose of this blog im required to refine what are otherwise just rudimentary ideas in a filthy swamp of consciousness.

Who are you really? Do you know what you are? These misleading questions should be avoided as they lure people into a false sense of security that they have absolute power to define themselves. From talking to friends and analysing my perception of them i now think that everybody is how their words are spoken and their actions are perceived. Humbly put - i have no doubt that every acquaintance i have ever had the pleasure of meeting has shallowly formed an ‘educated’ impression of me that doesn’t get a second thought. They’ve probably analysed me on their terms with their criteria obviously not to the extent to which ive thought about it for the sake of this post but in one way or another they’ve passed judgement. I do not think that a single non-judgemental person exists, upon first meeting or even just first sight people perform an elementary psych evaluation in just a split second. For example you see someone walking on the street with heavy, dark eye shadow and long spiky hair dressed in black garments detailed with silver chains; in today’s society it’d be safe to assume that the person seeks pleasure from pain and is depressing to talk to however underneath the facade they may just be confused about the current fashion trends or on their way to an event that required such a commitment. I digress, i am confused about the current fashion trends and do not feel that i have ‘a look’ that i’d label myself with. Anyway the tendency to be judgemental alone has the potential to affect one’s relationship with another which is why i believe it goes hand-in-hand with being understanding. As much as people try to conduct themselves in a certain way in order to portray a certain image their ability to influence the public eye is limited, limited by a time-frame and also the lack of opportunity to justify themselves. Although, the need to constantly justify actions/decisions does come across as obnoxious and a hindrance to conversation however being understanding can rectify strong negative emotions, the person might be insecure about the topic or unsure about what they’re doing.

We all act in a way that we feel suits our character, in a way that is strictly in line with our values and in a way that does right by ourselves and i’d like to think those around you too. Usually with the intent of convincing people about who you are and what youre about, even if you refuse to acknowledge it try and appreciate my message. I feel people are given little choice over how they want to be, the control lying with the unforgiving masses of society, those around us ie. Our parents, relatives and friends analyse us through a microscope fashioned out of all the previous experiences and major influences on their lives. To provide some sort of empty closure on this topic, what i am trying to say is that on a grand scale... im talking whole world sorta thing: we are what we are to other people, and not what we are to ourselves.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


- how has the world changed over 2 generations? what experiences shaped our grandparents.

- so much self importance, a person's value is measured by the sized of the void created in the lives of those they leave behind.

- i think im mature for my age and this may not be true.

- truth and innocence exists when there is little or nothing at stake.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Day 1

i'm not gonna lie, i thought you were a bitch when i met you... actually no i take that back, the things people had to say about you made me expect you to have a terrible personality. You proved them all wrong but so many people saying such bad things about you i was hoping you'd prove them right so that i could agree with them and see it too. terrible of me to do but i even set a double standard, i reduced my tolerance for you and was prepared to jump on any opening you provided for me to dislike you but you maintained and was always the better person. as it continued i was expecting the 'facade' to end and for you to snap, show your 'true colours' but even now you are still so much better than the rumors. did you change before i got to know you or did you know what people had said, what i expected of you and are so determined to prove us wrong. occasionally now in a testing situation i kinda expect to see some of the person ive been told about but time and time again ive been so pleasantly surprised by your fun, cheerful reaction.
ive discarded all those misconceptions and i take you for how you are to me. you are a better person than me and i feel bad and am truly sorry for it all. i wish all the haters from back then saw what i see now.

One of the more significant thoughts i had today was about society's reception to different types of humor. there in lies 2 categories in particular that i find is separated by a very fine line: wit and lame. when i crack a joke in the spur of the moment my peers either find it witty-funny or lame-funny. lately ive been getting more of the latter beginning with the blank stare or a cringe then followed by laughter. despite resulting in the desired effect, a lot of the time i disagree with the reaction. Of course it's all in good fun and no one means any offence sometimes when im so convinced that the gag was witty but doesn't receive a reception i get confused because i dont see how it wasent. maybe ya'll just sayin' lame coz thats the cool thing, mainstream hatin'. lol

bratty little kids should not be excused from being treated like another person just coz they're young. i believe in positive reinforcement but sometimes it just doesnt work which calls upon other profound discipline methods. i hate work. the grass is always greener, when you've got a job you dont want to work but when you don't have a job and need the cash ...yeah

captn' awesome - for somereasong it makes me think of 'fish-fingers', you need to resolve your phone dilemma asap. ive been where you are if you guys weren't there i wouldve doubt. need a new iphone just spend a couple hundred on it then get the backup all will be well.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

5 day diary

the brief:
to write a single entry everyday before i sleep. posts will be honest to thought and hence will be presented raw.

- all names will be substituted with an alias without gender bias and will not be consistent through out posts (exceptions: relatives, in which case the relation will be stated).

- thoughts during the writing of the post are not valid.

duration: the 'business week' starting 27th of June and ending 1st of July.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


so, just sitting here i don't feel compelled or obliged to make a conscious effort to do any of the tasks i know i should. sitting at my computer arduously doing what i do every other empty night, i take a sip of my bland yet essential cup of fresh livation however tonight it doesn't taste so insipid. tonight it's different, flavored with the suffocating taste of guilt and annoyance i attempt to wash it down with a bigger gulp. oh fuuu, rookie mistake! the burning after-taste of self pity only exacerbates the helplessness of my dismal plight. short term relief is provided utilizing an unperturbed attitude to contemplate the present but insanity ensues after considering the consequences, i'm filled with both senses of panic and shock(not that i didn't know it was coming).
i know i'm not alone, i know i'm not the only one facing this predicament yet no comfort is sought in the thought. knowing that there is an army of my comrades, fellow studious warriors out there just like me battling out against this beast named laziness provides no sanctity. it is irrelevant to me how dramatic you act i can guarantee that my self-loathing is greater hence i've been desensitized and cannot sympathize, but you're more than welcome to try and empathize. it doesn't follow basic laws logic to have such hindering mannerisms instilled. hmm i hope in the future when 'preimplantation genetic diagnosis' is possible we'll be able to remove such toxic personality traits; just imagine the productivity, it angers me just thinking of the potential. a peace of mind may only be obtained by ridding my life of this snare set by the duo of human nature and society.

the solution: motivation. such a simple word but such a complex concept. i turn green with envy when i think of those who are able to practice complete forbearance against social pressures. i know for a fact i'm weak in that respect due to friends and family being the major influence in my life. some advice i'd like to give to myself would be: harness this realisation, harness the all the anger an hate for this indolent attribute and channel it towards acting on change. this sounds level headed and achievable yet in order to act upon it i'd require a certain amount of drive, that little extra effort to activate the cycle of events to follow. the cliche "that's easier said than done" is all too appropriate right now.
ultimately we're back to square 1?

Monday, October 25, 2010

bad people

was it for revenge? out of spite? or are you just greedy?
do you feel better about yourself now? smug?

maybe it's karma, but karma is balanced and i do not see this punishment fit for anything ive done as of late.

please tell me you're happy, then at least i know someone benefited from this injustice. you have cause me a great deal of pain.

you may not realise the repercussiongs of your actions but let me know, is your moral compass pointing north?

seriously though... why?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Testing testing 1 2 3

Hi... hi? ...hello? is this human on?

On the rare occasion that i publish a blog entry it’s usually due to a combinationg of depressing factors such as gloomy weather in addition to an ass whooping from parents, however today as i write i go against this norm.

Melbourne’s forecast for Sunday the 10th of September 2010 was one to look forward to and surprisingly she delivered. The weather was blissful, 25 degrees with the occasional silver cloud that looked like a giant puffy marshmallow placed against the eternity of serene blue. These clouds served as aesthetically pleasing ornaments decorating the home of angels and the gods. If you were fortunate to experience today and not witness it from behind a sheet of melted sand you would’ve felt the relaxing light sun rays kiss your skin inducing the priceless sense of calm and Zen. Blessed with such weather you’d assume that anyone in their right mind would take full advantage of this golden opportunity to undergo summery activities that Victorians have been rendered incapable of doing for a solid 6 months... i am not in my right mind.

Today i split my time between studying and getting annoyed at myself for not enjoying the company of the outdoors. Being annoyed and distracted for a majority of the day is actually quite physically tiring, i was ready to get some shut-eye at least 2 hours ago. Why is it so hard to be content with what we have? Why do i find it difficult to support my decisiongs and bear the consequences knowing that they’re justified? I had a better than average Saturday and agreed to spend my Sunday studying with the knowledge that Sunday’s weather was going to be as good as it was. But coming the crunch time i could not suppress the feeling of regret. Most powerful would be the one who could clearly experience the future...oh how i’d love that to be me!

It is the bad experiences that are needed in order for good to come. They’re comparable references, but the complicated nature of emotions and brain function does not seemed balanced. It always feels like the bad times are prolonged whilst the good times are heaps short lived hence an imbalance between the 2 opposites. Could a possible remedy for this be open mindedness and tolerance? Understand that everyone goes through tough times and that it’s one of those necessities in life that defines us. Additionally i also contemplate how such extremities of each exist, id est it’s amazing how at one point in time you’ll be having the absolute worst time being almost ready to end it right there and then but the world gets flipped and all that was bad is delightful and pleasing. Feeling motivated and inspirited time accelerates and is as graspable as beach sand. In essence it’s not persistence that’ll help tank it but being bubbleh. Being able to laugh at oneself. Being a CHILLA.

Pro tip: relax mang, jus chill.

Rewards do not exist but rather just natures attempt to rebound from the lows. Delayed gratification = win.