Tuesday, April 12, 2011


so, just sitting here i don't feel compelled or obliged to make a conscious effort to do any of the tasks i know i should. sitting at my computer arduously doing what i do every other empty night, i take a sip of my bland yet essential cup of fresh livation however tonight it doesn't taste so insipid. tonight it's different, flavored with the suffocating taste of guilt and annoyance i attempt to wash it down with a bigger gulp. oh fuuu, rookie mistake! the burning after-taste of self pity only exacerbates the helplessness of my dismal plight. short term relief is provided utilizing an unperturbed attitude to contemplate the present but insanity ensues after considering the consequences, i'm filled with both senses of panic and shock(not that i didn't know it was coming).
i know i'm not alone, i know i'm not the only one facing this predicament yet no comfort is sought in the thought. knowing that there is an army of my comrades, fellow studious warriors out there just like me battling out against this beast named laziness provides no sanctity. it is irrelevant to me how dramatic you act i can guarantee that my self-loathing is greater hence i've been desensitized and cannot sympathize, but you're more than welcome to try and empathize. it doesn't follow basic laws logic to have such hindering mannerisms instilled. hmm i hope in the future when 'preimplantation genetic diagnosis' is possible we'll be able to remove such toxic personality traits; just imagine the productivity, it angers me just thinking of the potential. a peace of mind may only be obtained by ridding my life of this snare set by the duo of human nature and society.

the solution: motivation. such a simple word but such a complex concept. i turn green with envy when i think of those who are able to practice complete forbearance against social pressures. i know for a fact i'm weak in that respect due to friends and family being the major influence in my life. some advice i'd like to give to myself would be: harness this realisation, harness the all the anger an hate for this indolent attribute and channel it towards acting on change. this sounds level headed and achievable yet in order to act upon it i'd require a certain amount of drive, that little extra effort to activate the cycle of events to follow. the cliche "that's easier said than done" is all too appropriate right now.
ultimately we're back to square 1?

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